Delay Doesn't Mean Denied

A new friend was sharing with me about a time in her life where she experienced a major disappointment that not only discouraged her in the moment, but brought with it a shift in the timeline she had carefully planned and was working through.  Her family knew how much she was hurting, and her young daughter sought to comfort her.  “Remember Mama,” she said, “delay doesn’t mean denied.” 

I was moved on so many levels!  What a great blessing it is to invest truth in our children, and then have God use them to deliver those same truths to us just when we need to hear them!  What strength God weaves into the fabric of our children’s lives from the earliest of ages!  She not only knew that truth, she was confident of it, and knew how to use it to refocus her mom.  This mom has been doing the work, and both she and her child are benefitting. 

Then I thought of my own life.  Delay doesn’t mean denied.  I know this in the deepest fibers of my being, by experience.  He always answers right on time – which is HIS timing, not mine.

As a child, my deepest desire and most fervent prayer was for my family to love each other.  I’ll admit, it was a selfish prayer – my ultimate desire was to have security, peace and love for myself, and I was sure that if my family could settle down and love each other, then I would have that.  I grew up with both my parents, and four older siblings.  Everyone struggled – the desire to be understood was often masked by anger at not being understood.  The yearning to be appreciated usually devolved into a competition for recognition.  Grievances were clung to, rather than forgiven and released.  And in the eyes of this young observer, every member of my family was an expert at locating and pushing the hot buttons of every other family member.  If you could freeze frame and diagram the dynamics like they do with football plays on tv, the markings would show myriad incomplete passes, fumbled balls, and uncalled fouls.  I yearned for us to love each other, certain that no one wanted it this way . . . but no one seemed to know how to change it, either.

As I started out on my own, I was filled with noble ideas, lofty goals and high hopes for creating a different kind of family life.  Unfortunately, my anchor beliefs for these ideas, goals and hopes were flawed at best, misinformed and even incorrect at worst.  My methods, combined with those of my spouses, resulted in two failed marriages.  Marriages that began with promise and good intent, and included many years of joy and cherished memories, as well as disappointment, pain and things we’d all rather just forget.  I found myself, at 35, a single mom with two beautiful, yet wounded young daughters.  My deepest desire – to have a loving family – seemed to be something I’d never experience.

Daryl and I have now lived out 20 years of life together, raising my two girls and seeing them off to college, marriage and the settling of their own homes.  We’ve also been blessed with three more children, and three grandchildren.  While looking through vacation pictures a couple of years ago, I found one of myself surrounded by all these wonderful people.  Here, have a look: 

I was struck by the realization of the truth my friend’s daughter had spoken:  Delay doesn’t mean denied.  My heart has ached throughout my lifetime over the refusal and/or inability of my original family members to love each other – even to this day.  My efforts at creating a family in my own strength had failed completely – twice.  And yet, here was this photograph with all these people encompassing me in the middle.  As I’d set my mind, heart and strength on seeking God over these past two decades, He’d done something amazing.  He answered my prayer – in His time, and in a way I never could have imagined.  He built a new family around me, and here I am – the answer delayed, yes, but in no way denied. 

I’m wondering about you . . . is there something you’re longing for, that you’ve laid out before God, begging Him to answer?  Are you like me – you’ve also got in mind HOW you’d like Him to answer?  Are you open to the idea that He will answer in His time and in His way, and that while the answer may not look like what you had in mind, His answer will surpass anything you could have hoped for, and actually meet your needs better than you could have planned? 

Two familiar passages come to mind:  Isaiah 55:8-9 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts,”  and Jeremiah 33:3  “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.”  

Don’t give up asking for your heart’s desire . . . turn the focus of your heart onto Him, and watch Him answer all that you ask, and more.  Great is our God, and a greater father we have never known!

Here's one more picture of our family tree - this one includes Ellie, our youngest grandbaby: