Here I Sit

So this is a pic of my dining room table this morning . . . it tells a LOT about me . . .

Before coming downstairs, I retrieved this tablecloth from the linen closet.  The first thing I did was spread it over the table – to cover more than two months worth of mail in various stages of sorting!  There’s NO WAY I can concentrate looking at all of that – my sweet husband “processes” the mail this way, and is frequently interrupted by something more urgent or interesting that calls him away.  (A smiley face with a half smile should go here, but I don’t know where to find that . . . )

Not only does the clutter interfere with my concentration, it affects my mood as well.  A clean, spare space equals peacefulness for me – disorder and accumulated STUFF wreak havoc on my emotions, leading to anxiety, a sense of urgency to DO something about it, and even anger, since it’s often not MY stuff that’s setting me off.  

To the right is my Bible, ready and waiting to be handy while I type.  Next to that is the grocery list, since I need ingredients to make a crock-pot full of goodness for an event tonight.  I was going to write that up later, but Emily came in to remind me that she needed to get some pop for a surprise party she’s helping to throw for a friend this afternoon . . . so we wrote the list now.

To the left is a pad of post-it’s.  This is for jotting down each intrusive, important but I’ll-need-to-deal-with-this-later thought that inevitably start surfacing whenever I begin to focus.  Above that are four of those thoughts that I’ve already written.

There’s also a book that I know I’ll be referencing, and one that I need to remember to read by tomorrow night.  And a bag of yarn so I don’t forget to crochet a sample swatch to match the gauge on Jordan’s hat before he takes it back to EMU with him today. And a big cup of water in my Panera cup.  And my all important fan on the far right corner, keeping the air around me moving.

On the wall are pictures of our family. 

What does this pic tell me?  My life is full.  Our schedule is full.  There’s always more to do than there is time and energy to do it. 

My priorities are different now.  A neat, clean house has moved WAY down the list, bumped there by things like focusing on the people in those pictures, getting them to all the places they need to go, helping them do the things they desire to do, making time to be with the ones who’ve set up their own homes, working at Panera, reading and studying, and now, writing this blog.  Even sewing has taken a hit in the rankings – but I’ve still got one quilt to finish, and two others on an ironing board in the kitchen waiting to be assembled!  The living room floor is currently covered by all the various piles of laundry, as my husband moves that along – (he took over the laundry a couple of years ago, something I NEVER would have given up control of in other seasons of my life!)

I know you’ve found this too – life is a balancing act between rest and busyness!  Even as I’m focusing on writing, I’m surrounded by the distractions of what needs to happen next. And I’m comforted by the fact that God is not surprised.   He calls me to order my life by beginning in Him.  Making time to get quiet with Him, looking into His word to hear His voice, listening in stillness for His guidance, resting in His peace as He reassures me of His constant presence with me, His love for me, and His clarity of purpose in leading me. 

I guess I want you to know me a bit . . . and it’s important for you to know that I know I’m not writing from a place of arrival, rather of journeying.  God has shown me so much, including regular glimpses of how much I have yet to learn.  He has washed me with grace, showered me with blessings, yet I still struggle with feeling inept and being unthankful.  You and I are made from the same bolt of human cloth – our particular temperaments, histories, struggles and triumphs vary, but our needs are the same.  To be loved, valued and significant.  To live with purpose.  To handle the clutter and the myriad small details even as we seek to keep our focus on that which truly matters in the long run. 

Only God and people are eternal – everything else passes away.  Help me, Father, to invest myself today in ways that last, and make an impact for good.